// JavaScript Document
var quotes = new Array

quotes.push(""I asked the barmaid for a "quickie". The man next to me said "It’s pronounced quiche"" Luigi Amaduzzi")
quotes.push(""High thoughts must have high language" Aristophanes")
quotes.push(""A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of" Burt Bacharach")
quotes.push(""A French five minutes is ten minutes shorter than a Spanish five minutes, but slightly longer than an English five minutes which is usually ten minutes" Guy Bellamy")
quotes.push(""I speak twelve languages – English is the bestest" Stephan Bergman")
quotes.push(""The use of language is all we have to pit against death and silence" Joyce Carol")
quotes.push(""If you are going through hell, keep going" Sir Winston Churchill")
quotes.push(""Even if you learn to speak correct English, to whom are you going to speak it?" Clarence Darrow")
quotes.push(""First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win" Mahatma Gandhi")
quotes.push(""English is a funny language – that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway" Mark Grasso")
quotes.push(""There are over thirty words in the Irish language which are equivalent to the Spanish "mañana". But, somehow, none of them conveys the same sense of urgency" Patrick Kavanagh")
quotes.push(""We will be victorious if we have not forgotten how to learn" Rosa Luxembourg")
quotes.push(""She speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say “No” in any of them" Dorothy Parker")
quotes.push(""In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is" Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut")
quotes.push(""Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe" H.G. Wells")
quotes.push(""Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose" A sign in a Swiss hotel")
quotes.push(""Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time" A sign in a laundry in Rome")
quotes.push(""Do not spit here and there" A sign in Calcutta, India")
quotes.push(""Don't get into this" A sign in Japan with the universal "do not enter" symbol")
quotes.push(""Please to bathe inside the tub" A sign in a Japanese hotel room")
quotes.push(""You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid" A sign in a Japanese hotel")
quotes.push(""Specialist in women and other diseases" A sign outside of Roman doctor's office")
quotes.push(""The  problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for entrepreneur" George W. Bush")
quotes.push(""No one rises so high as he who knows not whither he is going" Oliver Cromwell")
quotes.push(""An idea does not pass from one language to another without change" Miguel de Unamuno")
quotes.push(""A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water" Sidney Goff ")
quotes.push(""No matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French" Fran Lebowitz")
quotes.push(""Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything" Steve Martin")
quotes.push(""Waiting for the German verb is surely the ultimate thrill" Flann O’Brien")
quotes.push(""Words have a longer life than deeds" Pindar")
quotes.push(""I couldn’t settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country - Ian Rush")
quotes.push(""England and America are two countries separated by a common language" George Bernard Shaw")
quotes.push(""Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it" George Bernard Shaw")
quotes.push(""What is the capital of France? – F" The Vicar of Dibley")
quotes.push(""The one phrase it is imperative to know in every foreign language is, "My friend will pay"" Alan Whicker")
quotes.push(""The limits of my language mean the limits of my world" Ludwig Wittgenstein")
quotes.push(""Members and non-members only" A sign outside the Hotel Emporio in Mexico City")
quotes.push(""Dah Wong Path"A sign for a park path in Hong Kong")
quotes.push(""Refund!" "Caution," as translated into Italian on a "wet floor" sign in an Italian McDonald's")
quotes.push(""Our staffs are always here waiting for you to patronize them" From an advertisement for a hotel in Tokyo")
quotes.push(""This shop has been moved to the present place for 35 years" From an advertisement for an antique shop in Tokyo")
quotes.push(""Colorful dining space surrounded by stained glasses" From an advertisement for a restaurant in Tokyo")
quotes.push(""Please waste Signs" On trash cans in an amusement park in Osaka, Japan")
quotes.push(""The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid" A sign in a Yugoslavian hotel")
quotes.push(""If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it" A sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room")
quotes.push(""Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis"  A sign in a Tokyo hotel")
quotes.push(""Alphabetically by national order" A sign in a Belgrade elevator")
quotes.push(""Please take one step forward and crap twice" A sign in a temple in China")
quotes.push(""Figure Out Fare Office" A sign on a small wooden house at a bus station in Laos")
quotes.push(""Dresses for street walking" A sign outside a Paris dress shop")
quotes.push(""Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long run" A sign in an Acapulco hotel")
quotes.push(""Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar" A sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge")
quotes.push(""Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation" A sign in a Rhodes tailor shop")
quotes.push(""The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable" A sign in a Bucharest hotel lobby")
quotes.push(""Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists" From an advertisement by a dentist in Hong Kong")
quotes.push(""Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily" A sign in a hotel in Athens")
quotes.push(""Dirty Water Punishment Place" How a sewage treatment plant was marked on a Tokyo map") 
quotes.push(""The manager has personally passed all the water served here" A sign in an Acapulco hotel")
quotes.push(""Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up" A sign in a Leipzig elevator")
quotes.push(""Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension" A sign in an Austrian hotel catering to skiers")
quotes.push(""Take one of our horse driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages" A sign in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency")
quotes.push(""We take your bags and send them in all directions" A sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office")
quotes.push(""Ladies may have a fit upstairs" A sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop")
quotes.push(""Here speeching American" A sign in a Majorcan shop entrance")
quotes.push(""Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty" A sign in a Budapest zoo")
quotes.push(""For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service" A sign in a Hong Kong supermarket")
quotes.push(""In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter" A sign in a Vienna hotel")
quotes.push(""Warning: Please do not leave children unattended. We are not responsible for lost children or injuries" A sign by an apparently dangerous koi pond in a Chinese Restaurant")
quotes.push(""Coffee and Snakes" A sign in a coffee shop in Ingolstadt, Germany")
quotes.push(""Billiards and Snocker" A sign in a pool hall in Ingolstadt, Germany")
quotes.push(""Cramp Heads" On a box of clamp heads from Japan") 
quotes.push(""Stop. Drive sideways" A detour sign in Japan")
quotes.push(""Special Today - no ice cream" A sign at a Swiss inn")
quotes.push(""Hey, you there! Open those windows. Let the air force come in!" Spoken by a teacher for whom English was a second language")
quotes.push(""With you I feel myself in kindergarten!" Spoken by a Russian teacher of mathematics to a noisy class");




document.write(quotes[(Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length))]);